What could have been

We didn't get a chance,
not because I didn't wish for it.
It was just that
there was a lot at stake.
Hopes too few,
and conflicts too many.
And opportunities too inappropriate.

And soon it was too late...

But I hope that
you'll agree
We've got something beautiful.
Something to cherish,
which I do; and hope
that you will too.

A Promise

I make a promise
to get back to you
The question you posed
A reply is perhaps owed to us

Sadly, i am hurried at present
and it will be an injustice
to respond in haste

So give me some time
and i will get back to you
I make a promise

tere ishq ki ek boond

तेरे इश्क की एक बूँद
इसमें मिल गई थी
इसलिए मैंने उम्र की
सारी कड़वाहट पी डाली
-- अमृता प्रीतम

found at a comment from rk in http://desitrain।com/2008/03/03/will-you-marry-me/


for those whose screen can't show hindi fonts
tere ishq ki ek boond
ismein mil gayi thi
isliye maine umra ki
saari kadwahat pi daali

Not so crappy Valentine Day poem

There was a time
when I had some things to say,
some words I did utter
but the meanings went astray.

Neither did I say it all
nor could I hide it.
The time was tough; you a good friend.
At the end, we sailed over
thankfully, without having to pretend.

I know you don't read my blog
but pray you visit this once.

though it doesn't change a thing
and words are so few;
just wanted to finish my story
i was truly in love; yes, with you.

a discussion about wishes, utopia and karma

this is an excerpt from a chat i had with a friend of mine; i don't know how to put it more presentably, so just copied and pasted from my gmail chats section. And of course, I took permission from Neeraj before posting this.













me: waise agar free hai to mera abhi wala status message pad aur comments



My status message at that time was:

heart: why do wishes rarely come true?

mind: because most of the times they are stupid.

heart: but they are wishes, they have all the rights to be stupid.

Neeraj: okies

kyun deewana ho jata hai koi?

kyun armaan uthte hain kahin?

maalum nahin,

yeh dil aakhir chahta kya hai?

me: hehe

achhe poet ho tum bhi

Neeraj: nahin nahin

yeh shayari gadar the movie mein thi

me: koi is sawaal ka jawaab de de to jindagi bhar gulami karein

Neeraj: :)

hahaha

well wishes have every right to be stupid

me: yup, u r correct

see this is the good thing about u

Neeraj: but not every stupidity has the right to be fulfilled

or else, where would intelligence go??

down the memory lane

:P

me: yea thats correct, but why the hell do we need intelligence

to devise ways to fulfill our wishes only, right?

Neeraj: no dude

world is not only about wishes

intelligence has to be thr to maintain a balance

imagine if the world was filled with stupidity

also its difficult to imagine a world, if everyone was intelligent

me: i am not saying stupidity

i am just saying what about a world where everyone's all wishes were fulfilled, irrespective of their stupidity or brilliance

but then again my mind says: there is no such thing as utopia

Neeraj: wouldn't that be boring??

a world full of satisfaction

no motive or reason to keep going

me: so u dont want it to be boring, that would be just another wish, it will also be fulfilled

Neeraj: it already is fulfilled

me: tahts the problem with utopia

it keeps contradicting itself

Neeraj: i dont say, none of my wishes be fulilled

me: thats why it doesnt exist

Neeraj: i am saying, some of them shud and some shud not

me: why wish if u dont want it to be fulfilled

?

Neeraj: utopia is a foolish design of a pervert mind

i want it to be fulfilled

the best part is the ignorance about these things

we want 100 things, and out of these only 10 are to be fulfilled

me: utopia is an utopian creation of a high (by use of drugs) mind

Neeraj: but the best part is, we dont know which 10

me: what if i just want ten things

Neeraj: so, we work towards fulfillment of all

me: or maybe just a couple of things

Neeraj: then only 1 will be fulfilled, if 10% rule exists

me: why cant we get them

why has this nature to be so cruel

Neeraj: nature is not cruel

just because ur mom adds pepper to ur food doesn't make her cruel

me: then why are we not intelligent enough to think of some 9 wishes which we dont want to be fulfiled

Neeraj: its the balance netween spices of life that makes it interesting

me: and tht brings us back to the question why wish a wish u dont want ot be fulfilled

Neeraj: i want all my wishes to be fulfilled

and i wud work towards them

me: why do we want interesting? why dont we want satisfying

Neeraj: but the result is not in my hands

me: mayp be that is why we are humans and not dolphins

Neeraj: coz a satisfied soul doesnot exist

me: chal bahut bore kar liya tere ko

Neeraj: maybe

me: tu jaa , pad le

Neeraj: nahin nahin

me: yea may be

Neeraj: load nahin hai

i can go on this topic for hours

have thought over it a lot

when u have an unfulfilled dream u tend to think over it

me:
i guess the important thing is that u just need an indication that u
are going in the right direction, even in the knowledge that u wont
ever reach the destination (that is complete satisfaction) or may be
that the destination doesnt even exist, even in that knowledge, the
belief that u are moving towards the right direction, the belief that
hope exists ...may be that is what is important

Neeraj: karmanye vaadhikaraste ma phaleshu kadachanah

this is one shloka that has been mis-interpreted many times

or mis-understood

me:
but then what do u do when u dont know what ur karma is...u have some
ethics , beliefs which tell u dont do that...and some desires which
tell u do that, and those desires are not against ur ethics
either...its just conflict of ur basic nature, u pitted against urself,
and u cannot even isolate the jekyll and the hyde, they are one...what
do u do then

Neeraj: thats the problem, i know there can be confusion sometimes but confrontation seldom occurs

being a jekyll and a hyde is seldom in our control

so i think we should do what our karma asks us to do when u are in whichever form

me: then atleast why dont we turn into one ...just delete the other part

it wont be painful then

Neeraj: but thats not in our hand

we created them

me: yea, but if both forms are together, how do u know what ur karma is

Neeraj: but destruction lies somewhere else

every moment we are supposed to take a decision

and this decision depends on the circustances faced by a person

me:
saala i feel helpless when i realise that we can go on discussing this
and even then, in all probability, i wont ever reach a conclusion

the only solace lies in the fact that time heals









have u ever faced such a time? or have views on this? if u hv ever thought in this direction, ur comments are more than welcome

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memories

the last time i saw her - she was wearing a yellow salwar suit. it was an exam and she was seated a couple of benches ahead of me. I didnt even get a good look at her face.

Then 3 years later, i got hold of her email id. Actually, i was searching for it & when i saw one of the search results, i knew it was hers. I mailed asking if it was she. No prizes for guessing what the reply was. Of course, it was she.

And they said that love was blind. Huh - love can see beyond a million email ids, at least.

Aneways, a couple of mails later, it was clear that my mailing her any more will only be a nuisance to her. So, I stopped.

Fast forward to today, I saw her photo on orkut. One out of many profiles with the same name. You know, I hadnt seen her for five years, completely forgotten what she looked like (or so I thought)but one pic was enough to tell me that this was her.

Again, who said love was blind?? Love makes u spot out a face from a million. Its definitely not blind.

Coming back to our story, as luck would have it, I found she was committed. And, like the last time I left her alone.

Let me tell you, i wont ever doubt this decision. And I am happy with the memories;
the memory of her cute face
the memory of how cute she looked in her bubbly dresses
the memory of the skipped heartbeat i had today when i saw her photo